01/20/2012
Shift = Lunch
Weather = 70 degrees and warm! Crossing my fingers for a warm Saturday too!!
Today was a slow slow day. Lunch crowds come in all at once and then seemingly die. I was the first one cut off the floor because I hadnt gone home early all week long so I took a Friday early cut. Dummy. As I was fininshing up my side duties to be cleared for take off the place was picking back up. Oh well, I did pretty good this week and I was already told I was getting every lunch shift next week.
Todays patrons consisted of people who were all a tad strange to me. I had already had several odd tables of bossy old ladies there to dine with their husbands. I had one older lady boss me around to the point her husband shook his head and chuckled after catching my eye after her demand that I fill her coffee cup up half way and then shortly I may come back and fill it again. If you are ever at one of my tables and ask me to do something in this manner you will get a response from me that sounds a lot like this, " Yeah, sure thing." I am not your house help woman.. I am a waitress so when I respond to you this way it means " Yeah sure thats no problem.. as long as you promise to choke on it." So inside I mentally flip her prune faced self the bird and on the outside I put an obvious polite fake smile on my face and grin and bear it. I have had to grin and bear worse durning my years of transportation and logistics so this is easy. The next table to follow that one was sort of like this as well but this time it was the man who was a tad bossy old lady like. I grow a bit more patient with these people because I realize how quickly patrons come and go and its just easier if they choose to leave happy. Whatever, eat your crab legs and go for the love of God.
My final table of the day started off seemingly normal. A man and a woman came in, sat down, ordered a beer each, and then appetizers. They took their time ordering lunch and told me that they had two more joining them. Ok, fine, whatever. I hear this type of thing all the time and it is not at all abnormal. Until...
The couple joining them were an interesting pair to say the least. The gentleman was a wildabeast of a man. Huge. Reminds me of the company gossip back home, just bear of a dude. He comes in wearing a light pink polo and jeans and sits down and begins to speak. By speak I mean slur and shout. IMONA HAAVE A RUM PUNCH.. AND MAKE IT A DOUBLE! Holy crap, he was already tanked and wanted a double rum punch? Our rum punches are just that, RUM and a pretend splash of punch. Like as in just enough punch to make all the rum slightly pink. I place his order in, two more beers,and bring them to the table. Next a female wearing at least a 3 carat heart shaped diamond on her neck joins them as I am placing the 3 drinks on the table. She asks what the pink drink is and I tell her its a rum punch. She orders one as well and I ask her if she wants hers prepared as a double as well... and she does. Okie dokie. I go back, put the drink order in, and grab it from the bar and walk it to the table. I sit her drink down as the pink shirted drunk bear lets out a huge belch. Oh. My. God. He has drank the whole thing down in 3 minuets. I stammer asking him if he wants another and BYY GOLLY WHY NOT. IMMA HAVE ANOTHER he all but screams. Whoo lordy.. I place his order in and bring it out. He classily tosses the cherry and orange from the cup directly on the table and begins to chug. I walk away sort of wide eyed and jump a little as he begins to speak at his table. I cant understand a word coming out of his mouth, its just shouting. Slurred enthusiastic style shouting. My floor manager catches my eye and I shrug my shoulders. I make myself a diet coke and start to straigten up the front wait area and Nyles comes in doing his impression of the guy at my table and asks who the hell the drunken pink monster at table 16 belongs to. " That would be me." I sigh. Listen, we have all been there. We have all had too much to drink and forget how the volume control of our voice works. Or at least I have. Hell I have enough trouble with that sober so I felt like a jerk for being so judgey. Anyway, I make my way back out to the floor to check on them and he orders another and so does everyone else at the table. Two punches, a budlight draft, and a Mich-Ultra later I set them down. I notice the guy has begun to at least eat the orange slices I put in the drinks. Maybe itll help ( who am I kidding??) I pick up the left over lunch dishes from the people who had eaten at the table and put in an order for shrimp for giant diamond lady. I make my way over to the bar to make small talk with the bar tender when the large gentleman from my table walks past me and just as he is making his way into the foyer he turns and YELLS. "HEY! I GOTTA GO OVER TO TIFFANYS AND SIGN SOME PAPERS REAL QUICK ILL BE RIGHT BACK" across the entire resturant. I put my face in my hands at the bar facing away from my table and try to control my embarrasment. He staggers out and I walk over to my floor manager Lisa. She looks at me dryly and says " Really, that just happened? He just screamed across people eating and then walked out the door to drive somewhere and then drive back here??" I sigh, "yes and he was drunk when he got here.. he is drinking rum punches quicker than I can put them on the table." She proceeds to tell me about a guy that was so drunk he had to call his 62 year old girlfriends HUSBAND to come get him last night but thats another story. My eyes pop open and I try to take in all that information handed over in one sentence. I guess things could be worse, case in point the story I was just told!
I got back to the table and the beer drinkers have more, the diamond lady has more punch and I silently pray this guy passes out at Tiffanys after signing papers so he wouldnt be on the road or worse at my table! The rest of the group at the table laugh and show each other things on their phone and tell funny stories back and fourth. No big deal. I have a glimmer of hope that the big drunk dude isnt coming back. I walk up and check on things and diamond lady asks the person she is on the phone with "Hey, you want another drink??" Oh. No. Please lord dont let him be A.) Coming back B) driving and C) Driving and placing drink orders on the phone at the same time. I place the order in and have it on the table for him. I have been done with my day for 45 mins now and now have nothing else left to do to look busy. He staggers in, sits down, yells some more and this time its mostly slobber. Ok thats it. I have to find a way to cut him off with out making him mad. I mean he is yelling thinking he is talking normally, what in the hell is going to happen if he yells actually trying to YELL. So I play the cute girl card and turn up the Arkansas accent with this little gem right here, " Hey yall, my day here is done so Im gonna tab yall out. If you need anything else Allison will be more than happy to take care of your needs from here on." I bat my eyes at him and smile pretty. He looks at me blankly and then trys to focus across the table at diamond lady. He mumbles something about needing his card. YES!! I go to the back, print the bill, he never glances at it and just hands me his card. I run it, watch him sign it, and then grab it and IM DONE. I collect my things and I hear them getting up from their table and Im relieved because I really didnt want to do that to Allison but oh my lord I was done and ready to be gone! They leave and I worry about them getting in their car because they were all way over the limit. II then decide its time to hurry the hell out of the parking lot and on to the road before those crazy assholes do!
Im told this will be an everyday occurance during spring break and summer. Im thinking I need a drink right now just thinking about it, and make mine a double!
